Friday, May 29, 2020

COVID Student Journal: This journal has kind of kept me sane while we are in this crisis

(Student submission Spring 2020)


DAY 1- 04/01/2020

     Well since the corona virus has taken over life has been very eventful. For starters not only did classes change to online for the rest of semester (which I am very much hating), my job (daycare), has decided to shut down until further notice, and with them who knows if I will be getting paid. I have been back in my hometown now for about three days, and I came home to find my room occupied, so I am sleeping in my mom’s room. Lord I am ready to go home, but I am enjoying the free food and love from my mama. It actually sucks though that I have to spend my twenty- first birthday inside, but I will be leaving to go back to Tallahassee before that day, and my mom has made plans to celebrate with me before I leave, don’t know how this will go since we have the social distancing going on. Oh! How can I forget that before I left, my boyfriend thought it would be best to take a break, so I decided to take it to the next level, and just break up with him? To be clear, I hate this coronavirus, and every problem that it is bringing me. The last couple of days have been so hard for me, I hate staying in the house with nothing to do, and no where to go.

 

Day 2- 04/02/2020

     It is my cousins twenty first birthday, and she called me today crying because she was persecuted for enjoying her night by her family. Fast forward to hours later and my mom is being sent to the hospital. I don’t really like talk much about, but my mom has been having health problem since my freshmen year of college. This was my first time that I ever had to call an ambulance, and I went into a full panic attack, and before you get that thought in your head NO my mom does not have COVID-19, and I thank God for that, but now that this is going on I know that she is a higher risk, and that is beyond terrifying because what would I do without her. It was heartbreaking that we are not allowed to visit her but, she reassures me each time that she is okay, and I trust that.  

Day 3 – 04/03/2020

     Today my mom was released from the hospital and I must say this has been the happiest I have been in weeks. Today I also realized that the cake my sister ordered for my birthday was not in my hometown Publix it was at the Publix in Tallahassee. I honestly can’t wait until I’m back in Tallahassee, I love my family, but I have been an underpaid assistant for a week, and it was lovely at first but, I have been missing my bed. Did I mention that I no longer have a room at my mom’s house, I’m like the forgotten child?

     The little get together my mom had for me had to stay out on the porch due to my anxiety not wanting anyone around my mom, good thing she can see and hear everything through her window. It was great spending time with my family, even though it is not my actual birthday yet, I felt so much love and comfort being back home. Today I am getting a tattoo that I have been putting off for a while, and I am backing out before I even get there because why would I schedule a tattoo situation during a pandemic.

Day 4- 04/04/2020

     It was so hard leaving my mom today, but I couldn’t stay back home any longer. That was the shortest four-hour drive, it always seems like the drive back is shorter. When we got back, we (my cousin and I) went grocery shopping, and to look for toilet paper which after the trip to three different stores we finally found some. When I look back at this with my future children, I will tell them how stupid our country is to go out and stock up on toilet paper of all thing’s toilet paper. Also, I found out that since I am still considered a dependent, I cannot get stimulus check, and even though my mom still claims me she can get the extra five hundred for me because I am over seventeen. I just knew trusting that orange thing of president was nothing but a scam, its just not fair that college students are not getting the proper help that we deserve. Most our parents are not able to help us due sickness, their jobs not being open anymore.

     Day 5- 04/05/2020

     Since online classes have started, I know this is going to sound bad, but school feels so optional. I have no idea where we are at class wise, I don’t even know what we are doing anymore, ever since this Coronavirus pandemic I have been confused about life, and school has honestly been pushed to the back of my brain because so much has happened in my life within weeks that I truly can not handle. I have been so tired and stressed out from everything that is happening right now that whenever I try to focus on my work it seems like it just can’t adjust in my brain correctly.

 

 

Day 6- 04/06/2020

     Is it me or not having your nails done is a crime, I haven’t been to the nail salon in weeks and now I will be walking into my 21st birthday with chipped acrylic because I decided that it will be a great idea to try to just take them off myself. Zero out of ten would not recommend if you don’t have the correct items to remove them, just let them fall off naturally, and if we are going to have another pandemic God forbid, just wait until quarantine is over and let the professionals take over. Anyway today has been pretty boring the only exciting news that I have is that I got a C on my math test, let the record show that I am the most horrible math student to walk this earth no matter how much I study, that C is the happiest thing that has happened so because at least I know that I won’t be failing, and I can’t let that happen because this my last semester before finishing my two years at a university. Which I haven’t decided on what I am going to do because, who knows what is going to happen within the next few months.

Day 7- 04/07/08

My birthday is two days away, and I am not excited about, because who wants to celebrate their twenty first birthday while being quarantined and having to practice social distance. I couldn’t even have a birthday dinner if I wanted, but I will try to celebrate somehow maybe I’ll use zoom. Oh yes, one day I will let my future children know how the beautiful zoom became the hero for many teachers who still doesn’t know how to properly use, myself however has struggled with the stupid app to work on my phone and laptop. So, we decided to have a girl’s night in, I don’t know if I’m allowed to say it, but we will be having drinks as well I mean we are all twenty-one so.

 

Day 8- 04/08/2020

     Today’s my birthday, and I am somewhat excited I mean I’m finally legal I’m twenty-one. I can’t explain how I brought in my birthday because I don’t remember most of but just know I had so much fun. Today I plan on getting food and enjoying it at home, nothing much to do today, but receive phone calls, text messages, and lots of birthday love. I have started looking for another job I will not make it with what’s left in my account. Pretty soon I will have to decide whether to go home or not, my old job back in my hometown wants me to come back, and that is what I need to do because I no longer have the support now that my mom is working, and in and out of the hospital. In order to keep up with my bills I must go back, because my savings will not last me how I thought it would.

Day 9- 04/09/2020

     Yesterday was recovery mode, I had a full-blown hangover, that I was so sick I couldn’t even get out of my bed without my head spinning and feeling nauseous. Today however I am now doing the aftermath clean up. I feel like today will be a peaceful day, my grandad spent two hundred and fifty dollars today to get my car fixed. Turns out I have an alarm system in my ancient Toyota Camry, and that has caused my car to not to turn on, even though I have a brand new battery, starter, alternator, and just about everything else my mom and uncle replaced on the car the car should be running new right? NO, but what can I expect from a car that is older than me, but mileage is low on the car (80,000), and it’s a 1997 Camry, that I bought for four hundred dollars. So, to my future children if Roxy is still kicking by then say hello to your very first car. Anyway, thank God for my family, no matter the crisis they are there to help and pick me back up, don’t know what I will ever do without them. My car will be gone for a couple of days, very thankful that we decided to get groceries, because without a job or school my appetite has increased by ten.

Day 10- 04/10/2020

     Today is what would have been my brother twenty seventh birthday. His life, and the life of his pregnant fiancĂ© was cut short two years ago on Thanksgiving, due to a wrong way driver who decided to take his own life without thinking of the souls that he may have taken from a family. Today is so hard I usually tell everyone that I have two birthdays but for some reason this year has been extremely hard to accept the fact that Thanksgiving, holidays, and birthday has never been the same. I would have usually gotten a phone call two days ago in the middle of the night, and would sit on the phone with my brother for hours just talking about what we had planned for that year, stupid things that we use to do when we were younger. I miss them so much, and I know this would’ve been my best birthday ever, because it was my twenty first, but instead all I can think about is how I will never hear his laugh, voice, see his smile or hear those corny jokes anymore. Three years from thirty and he will never get the chance to witness. To whomever will read this if you ever need help please talk to someone, because my family knows how it feels to go through heartache because of someone’s else mistakes.

Day 11- 04/21/2020

Now that I have cried enough, I think today is the perfect day to treat myself to Tropical Smoothie, and Panera Bread. Now should I go do this with the way my bank account is looking. Most definitely NO! However, I deserve a little pick me up, and plus you only live once so why not. So today I found out that they are trying to reopen our beaches back home, and I just don’t understand why these idiots think this is okay during this time, and people are okay with this. I pray for the next generation, but when you think about it, we are going to have to raise the next generation. I just screamed the hardest laugh because my kids are going to have to grow up with me showing them different tik toks every day. I know this is weird but do you think that Grey’s Anatomy will still be around, I have watched the episodes, and wouldn’t it be cool if Zola takes over as Chief of General Surgery like her mother, or she can be head of Neuro like her dad. Sorry if you don’t watch Grey’s Anatomy, that was just a thought.

Day 12- 04/12/2020

     I know this is unnecessary but its also my little cousins eighteenth birthday. Our parents were busy in August, very very busy. Today I have cleaned this apartment from top to bottom and had a deep conversation with my roommate for the first time since we moved into this apartment, I did not now know she was Japanese. It’s kind of odd that it took the quarantine for me and her to talk but that’s because I’m socially awkward, and an introvert. I’ve learned to deal with it, but I think I probably missed out on some great friendships but oh well. The only thing that is getting me by during the quarantine is Netflix, Hulu, and surprisingly this journal. I did however find out some great news, they are allowing us to register for the GK test for FREE! This was so helpful because I really didn’t have one hundred and thirty dollars to spend on a stupid test, especially when I already did that just to visit and observe school, just for it to be cancelled. Coronavirus 500 Tatyana 0.

Day 13- 04/13/2020

     I decided to try go on a social media cleanse and let me just tell you that was the worst six hours of my life. That was the most boring, dumbest thing I have done since I’ve been stuck in the apartment. I have resorted to DIY projects from Pinterest, which has become my best friend. From face mask, to my hair and face care bins, I even change my room around. I have done it all, and this starting to become scary because why can’t thing just end.

Day 14- 04/14/2020

     My sleeping schedule is so off right now, I am lucky if I am asleep by 4am, and not only do I fall asleep lately, but I wake up early. I wonder if I am the only person experiencing this because it was okay the first time, but now this is day five like this and I don’t understand why I can’t fall asleep, and even when I do why do I wake up so early. Right now, it is 4:58am, and I am sitting here going through different types of house, and envisioning my dream home, while also deciding where I will live for the rest of my life. While also watching some Grey’s Anatomy, Derek and Meredith are the most annoying, and stubborn couple, Izzie is just annoying overall like let’s be serious a doctor cuts the wire for a patient would be very much fired and probably in jail. That Preston Burke is such a turd to leave Cristina at the altar.

Day 15- 04/15/2020

     I just cried for the past hour because I just failed my math test, and in order to pass the class I will have to get 90% A on my final, and I suck in math. Ever since school has been closed so has my brain, my math professor isn’t the easiest person to learn from, even before online classes, he’s just so horrible, he has a great heart but still he’s a horrible teacher. I just hope and pray that I pass so that I can transfer with ease. Anyways I hope I fall asleep soon this staying up extra late is not for me I am supposed to be sleep by 10 I have a schedule.

Day 16- 4/16/2020

     This afternoon I decided to go for a walk, this is what this quarantine has pushed me to EXERCISE! The walk was pretty nice, I didn’t go outside my neighborhood, but it was a nice little walk around the complex, this same bird followed me the whole entire time. I had a pretty good conversation with my grandpa today too, usual conversation “you have to graduate, no babies until after you graduate” blah blah blah. I love talking to my grandad for some reason, he just always seems to have the correct answers when I feel like I am going in the wrong direction. Words of knowledge kids love your grandparents, because they love you and will do anything for you.

Day 17- 04/17/2020

     I’m almost done with Grey’s Anatomy, and I am just about out of groceries and it hasn’t even been a month. I have gained 10lbs, and I’m not even mad because I love this weight on me. I really have been thinking about changing my hair, dying it, or maybe a hair cut but no hair salons are open and that sucks, because knowing me I will probably try all this stuff on me. Decisions should be made soon because once it done there will be no regrets, maybe when I step back into my schedule but who cares.

Day 18- 04/18/2020

     I have been overly obsessed with Grey’s Anatomy, but I just find it so weird how they had all these incidents and deaths within a few years. It was like they never healed after one death then boom a plane crash, or someone is hit with a bus, or a mass shooting like what the hell is up with this weird ass show. There were so many deaths at that hospital as well, how did they even keep this hospital open with the cutting of the wires, and the breaking so many rules. Just HOW did they do this? Its been a very boring day I haven’t even left my bed today besides to brush my teeth.

Day 19-04/19/2020

     Today I have started packing up my room, I have made some major decisions within the past couple of days. For starters my old job back home has offered me to come back with raise in pay, so I will be going home for the summer. Also, I will not be returning to Tallahassee, I really hate it here, I thought it would be so nice to go to FAMU, but it is not worth it. I decided that I will be joining the Airforce hopefully, but I plan to do Airforce reserves, and then once I am done with basic training, I will be going to Orlando to finish my college years off. I think that this is the best decision for me, it will be nice to just have a backup plan.

Day 20- 04/20/2020

     I have been up since yesterday afternoon, and it is now 10am, and I have resorted to cleaning the house again, rewashed my clothes, and I changed my room back to how it was originally. I seriously need a job or something I am so tired of watching YouTube videos of random crap, and I’ve just about had it with these stupid characters on Grey’s Anatomy. Why does Shonda Rhimes think it is okay to kill all my favorite people off. I eventually started Tiger King for the first time, just to see what the hype is about. Joe Exotic is the most interesting creature I have came across, and Carole Baskins killed her husband. My sisters and I got my mom hooked on Tik Toks, and now all she does is send us videos that relates to how we were as children, I must say we probably annoyed her so many times when we were younger. Thank God for my mama!

Day 21- 04/21/2020

     Well today is my last journal entry, because honestly life is getting boring and everything interesting happened weeks ago. Today I took myself on another smoothie date, which I should really stop doing because I need to save my money, but smoothies and Panera is a very great combination. This journal has kind of kept me sane while we are in this crisis, because people irritate me after being around them for more than eight hours. Anyway, I am going to save this journal so that I can one day look back and see how crazy this year has been. This year has been scary, and weird. I wonder how this be written in history books; I know the first thing I will tell my students is how American citizens decided to stock up on toilet paper instead of groceries. How everyone thought that by someone eating a BAT is what caused the coronavirus. Finally, how the president of the United States is an idiot, our country is being ran by a complete idiot.  Hopefully this pandemic will be over very soon, and we can go back to our normal lives because if I must stay in this house for another month.

 

 

Love, T.C