Friday, May 29, 2020

COVID Student Journal: These last few days I haven't been feeling well mentally so I've been a mess, crying, eating too much, not eating enough sometimes it's just been crazy.

(Student submission Spring 2020)





            DAY 1

                                                                                                                        March 12, 2020

 

Today was the worst day of my life. This morning in math T** and I were texting and we got into an argument. I accused him of some things and long story short, he broke up with me. He said that constantly battling with me has drained him. So of course, I left class early and went back home to cry. At first I told him if he tried to take his stuff and leave I wouldn't let him in the apartment, crazy, I know. I checked his social media and I saw that he deleted the pictures of me and took my name out of his bio and it suddenly hit me, so I told him he can take his stuff and go, to delete my contact and everything. At that point I was bawling my eyes out. When he finally got here I BEGGED him not to end things with me and he soon agreed. He said that he is staying in his dorm for the whole spring break and after that when classes are online too.We attempted to go to the store not too long ago to stack up on supplies, water, food,cleaning stuff, etc. and on the way he told me straight up he didn't want to be with me anymore, he said that he only said that to calm me down and it broke me. So I asked to just go back home. When he eventually left, I told him that we could break things off. He still wants to be friends, but I don't think I can do that. At all. Because of how i've been treating him, he's now depressed and doesn't even want to be around me. But I don't want to lose him, so i'm going to get help.

 

DAY 2

                                                March 17, 2020

 

Okay, things were bad at first but i've been seeing him everyday since we broke up. We still kiss, we still hug, things feel pretty normal, we just aren't official anymore. Yesterday (Monday) we drove to Carrabelle beach, which was basically empty, and we stayed for a few hours and just enjoyed each other's company. I had so much fun with him and the puppy. It was also the puppy's first time at the beach and she did good. In a few hours we’re going to the movies to go see ‘Onward’. He still loves me, thank god. We just need some distance. He still needs some time to himself which I totally understand. He told me this morning that he missed me a lot last night after we stopped texting and it broke my heart. I want him home so bad, I want him in my arms. I want him to call me his again. But, patience is key and I will wait for him because I love him more than anything.

 

                                                                        DAY 3

                                                                                                                        March 18, 2020

 

Alright, first I'm gonna start off by saying, he spent the night last night after our movie. We ended up movie hopping and also saw ‘The Hunt’, so he was too tired to drive back to his dorm. Which I was soooo happy about because ya know, progress... but anyway, after a long day of having fun today, stuff started going downhill. After taking a shower, I went on my instagram and found out that my dm’s werent working. So I asked T** if i could see his phone to see if his instagram wasnt working too. He kept asking “why” and just avoiding giving his phone to me. He told me he would let me see it after he showered, so I waited just for him to supervise me while I had it. After I was done I asked him why he was so protective over it and I took it to look through it. He then said that because I even thought about going through his phone he was leaving and going back to his dorm. So of course, I went through it as he was getting dressed and getting ready to leave. The first thing I saw was in his instagram DM’s to some girl he knows saying how he wanted her (sexually..i'm not gonna be any more specific) and he was telling her all this now because he had nothing to lose...and I was shocked. I got extremely mad. I asked what that was and he responded, “Its me being reckless” and I said to him “why would you do this to me?'' You’re over here texting another girl that s*** while you’re with me”. He then had the audacity to say “but we arent together”.....I immediately broke down. After screaming and crying I ended up pushing him away from me and throwing his phone on the floor and that, for some reason, made him try to hug me.. All he kept saying was he wanted to hold me, for what though…. He didn't want to hold me while he was texting homegirl in secret. After some more crying about how hurt I was, he told me he didn't want to lose me. He also told me that the other day when he told me he missed me alot, he had a breakdown at 6am about how much he realised he missed me. He said that he thought that texting anyone else would matter because he wasn't gonna act on it. Not long after trying to explain himself, he had a breakdown saying how sorry he was. Me being me, I stopped crying and made sure he was okay and I calmed him down. I still went through his phone though.. And I found a bunch of s***. I even found something from when we first started dating haha. I found out that him and some girl he used to talk to were texting on snap and she was flirting with him, of course. I also found that in October 2019 he met some girl at ‘The Strip’, got her snapchat and was texting her about him and his girl were looking for another girl…..first off...ew. Second...what the hell. So he’s always been cheating on me. From the beginning and you know his excuse? He wasn't thinking… LMAO whatever. Anyway, I told him I wanted to work things out but I get to check his phone whenever he isn't allowed to text girls, have them on any social media, etc. He also has to make it up to me and when the time is right, he has to ask me out again. I always told him that if he ever cheated on me we would be done, and as soon as it happens, my dumb*** is taking him back. I hope I don't regret this decision and he actually does the things he said he would to try and fix what he messed up. Lets see how this goes..

 

                                                                        DAY 4

                                                                                                                        March 19, 2020

 

Today T** and I went to his dorm and got all his things so he could move back in with me. We also went to the store to get groceries for quarantine. All we really got was pasta, chips, fries, and some different drinks. Not much was in the stores, most of all the shelves were empty. But anyway, since yesterday, It's been really hard to hold myself together. I can't really cry or break down because he’ll break down and I have to be there to comfort him. I just hate how I've been lied to this whole time. I would constantly accuse him of things or I would want reassurance it wasn't happening and he lied to me face about it, we’ve sometimes had arguments about me accusing him, but he was guilty the whole time. I should've known. I know things won't be alright right away but I hope we can make things work and eventually move past it.

 

                                                                        DAY 5

                                                                                                                        March 21, 2020

 

Tonight I continued to go through T**’s phone while he was sleeping. I woke up from having a bad dream and wanted to finish looking through it. I ended up seeing that the night we broke up he was texting this girl from some organization that he’s in that he wanted company...in a sexual way and the day after that he drove some girl to some party. After looking in every single app, I found out that the one girl he met at ‘The Strip’ had cashapped him $15 on Halloween. The day I moved in with his parents.. I ended up waking him up and asking what that was for. After he fully woke up, he started shaking while trying to explain himself...shaking like how a chihuahua shakes… he was so scared and nervous he started shaking..because of me. He was shaking for like 30 minutes before he passed out. I honestly thought he had a heart attack or something, I was tapping his face trying to wake him and everything. When he came to, he wouldn't let me call the police or his mom. We even walked to the urgent care across from my apartment but they weren't open. I'm so scared to touch him.. I've been crying for like 2 hours now because i'm genuinely afraid that I'll hurt him more..

 

                                                                        DAY 6

                                                                                                                        March 23, 2020

 

Quick little update: Not much really happened today, I just laid in bed and had a movie day. Classes started today.. I already know I'm going to be stressed and I probably wont do any work.

 

                                                                        DAY 7

                                                                                                                        March 24, 2020

 

I'm not doing the best mentally today. I'm overthinking everything. I feel like T** doesn't love me, like he’s pretending to. He isn't all over me like he has been and I just feel neglected. He’s been playing on the game a lot more and yelling of course, which is annoying as hell because I can't concentrate on anything. I don't know, he just doesn't seem interested in me. He hasn't done anything to start to make it up to me, but he can't really do that because he doesn't have access to things, like whenever he messed up he would take me out on a date to the movies or something but with the virus going around we can't go anywhere or do anything. This is so annoying, I hate it.

 

                                                                        DAY 8

                                                                                                                        March 25, 2020

 

I feel way worse than I did yesterday. I still believe Tom doesn't want to be in a relationship. He hasn't done anything to try and fix things, but he can't really do anything because of the virus. I'm sure he would take me out to eat and spoil me with dates but we can't go anywhere. Another thing, this social distancing is ruining my mental. Going to school and going to the store, etc. waa the only thing keeping me sane and functional, but since we have to stay inside 24/7 im hurting. ALSO, T** told me today that Tallahassee now has a curfew from 11:00pm- 5:00am. I just wanna know, what the hell is that supposed to do?

 

                                                                        DAY 9

                                                                                                                        March 29, 2020

 

Today was a somewhat okay day. I've been kinda irritated all day though. All day T**’s energy has just been too much for me, like he’s just been kind of annoying to me….it's currently 12:11am and im STILL irritated. He was on the game since 8pm and the first thing I said to him when he got on was “Can you try and be quiet, I have a really bad headache” and he obviously didn't listen. Three and a half hours of him screaming and laughing loud as hell. THEN when he got off, he played videos on YouTube loud as hell on the TV and was blasting something on his phone too, so I got a blanket and went into the living room.. Just for him to follow right behind me. He said he would turn it down but at that point I just didn't...couldn't be around him. My head hurts so f****** bad and i'm so irritated I could cry. But who cares..right?

 

                                                                        DAY 10

                                                                                                                        March 31, 2020

 

I really hate staying inside. I'm so bored, all we've been doing is watching movies and the office on Netflix. I've also been looking for apartments online. I can't really ask anyone questions or go on a tour though because all the offices are closed because of the virus, which is great. My lease is up in July so i'm not sure what im gonna do if i'm not about to view the apartments or whatever. I still don't know if I wanna take a gap year or not after this year. I mean it'll give me some time to get money for school and it'll give me a break from school but i'm not sure how to tell my family. I just hate that I moved out here to be able to go to school physically just for them to put all my classes online. So i'm kinda over it. I'm over everything...online classes, eating the same foods over again, watching movies back to back, everything. I'M BORED!

 

                                                                        DAY 11

                                                                                                                                    April 1, 2020

 

Today was BUSY. I woke up to the wifi not working at all. The wifi router is in my roommate's room who left for Miami for spring break so of course, her door is locked. T** had to write his paper and turn it in so we NEEDED wifi. We ended up going to his dorm on FSU campus for him to get wifi. Since we were there, after writing his paper, we moved his stuff out. FSU were offering a refund for housing and food but only if they moved out before the deadline, and he’s been staying with me anyway so we just went ahead and moved him out.

 

                                                                        DAY 12

                                                                                                                                    April 2, 2020

 

Today was pretty good. This morning we slept in until like 12ish and when I got up I cleaned the apartment and then me and T** went to Walmart to get some more groceries. When we got back home, I emailed my English and Math teacher, considering they were the only classes that have work due like back to back unlike my History class. My math teacher....absolutely no help. She was like “oh no...you need wifi.” but my English teacher?! She sent me links to help me. Apparently Xfinity is offering free wifi for everyone, as long as you go to a hotspot and luckily I live right next to one. So tonight I'm just doing my work so I don't fall behind. But anyway, T** played the game as I worked on my English paper. Then I made spaghetti for dinner and we watched a movie as we ate. After the movie,             DAY 1

                                                                                                                        March 12, 2020

 

Today was the worst day of my life. This morning in math Tom and I were texting and we got into an argument. I accused him of some things and long story short, he broke up with me. He said that constantly battling with me has drained him. So of course, I left class early and went back home to cry. At first I told him if he tried to take his stuff and leave I wouldn't let him in the apartment, crazy, I know. I checked his social media and I saw that he deleted the pictures of me and took my name out of his bio and it suddenly hit me, so I told him he can take his stuff and go, to delete my contact and everything. At that point I was bawling my eyes out. When he finally got here I BEGGED him not to end things with me and he soon agreed. He said that he is staying in his dorm for the whole spring break and after that when classes are online too.We attempted to go to the store not too long ago to stack up on supplies, water, food,cleaning stuff, etc. and on the way he told me straight up he didn't want to be with me anymore, he said that he only said that to calm me down and it broke me. So I asked to just go back home. When he eventually left, I told him that we could break things off. He still wants to be friends, but I don't think I can do that. At all. Because of how i've been treating him, he's now depressed and doesn't even want to be around me. But I don't want to lose him, so i'm going to get help.

 

DAY 2

                                                March 17, 2020

 

Okay, things were bad at first but i've been seeing him everyday since we broke up. We still kiss, we still hug, things feel pretty normal, we just aren't official anymore. Yesterday (Monday) we drove to Carrabelle beach, which was basically empty, and we stayed for a few hours and just enjoyed each other's company. I had so much fun with him and the puppy. It was also the puppy's first time at the beach and she did good. In a few hours we’re going to the movies to go see ‘Onward’. He still loves me, thank god. We just need some distance. He still needs some time to himself which I totally understand. He told me this morning that he missed me a lot last night after we stopped texting and it broke my heart. I want him home so bad, I want him in my arms. I want him to call me his again. But, patience is key and I will wait for him because I love him more than anything.

 

                                                                        DAY 3

                                                                                                                        March 18, 2020

 

Alright, first I'm gonna start off by saying, he spent the night last night after our movie. We ended up movie hopping and also saw ‘The Hunt’, so he was too tired to drive back to his dorm. Which I was soooo happy about because ya know, progress... but anyway, after a long day of having fun today, stuff started going downhill. After taking a shower, I went on my instagram and found out that my dm’s werent working. So I asked Tom if i could see his phone to see if his instagram wasnt working too. He kept asking “why” and just avoiding giving his phone to me. He told me he would let me see it after he showered, so I waited just for him to supervise me while I had it. After I was done I asked him why he was so protective over it and I took it to look through it. He then said that because I even thought about going through his phone he was leaving and going back to his dorm. So of course, I went through it as he was getting dressed and getting ready to leave. The first thing I saw was in his instagram DM’s to some girl he knows saying how he wanted her (sexually..i'm not gonna be any more specific) and he was telling her all this now because he had nothing to lose...and I was shocked. I got extremely mad. I asked what that was and he responded, “Its me being reckless” and I said to him “why would you do this to me?'' You’re over here texting another girl that s*** while you’re with me”. He then had the audacity to say “but we arent together”.....I immediately broke down. After screaming and crying I ended up pushing him away from me and throwing his phone on the floor and that, for some reason, made him try to hug me.. All he kept saying was he wanted to hold me, for what though…. He didn't want to hold me while he was texting homegirl in secret. After some more crying about how hurt I was, he told me he didn't want to lose me. He also told me that the other day when he told me he missed me alot, he had a breakdown at 6am about how much he realised he missed me. He said that he thought that texting anyone else would matter because he wasn't gonna act on it. Not long after trying to explain himself, he had a breakdown saying how sorry he was. Me being me, I stopped crying and made sure he was okay and I calmed him down. I still went through his phone though.. And I found a bunch of s***. I even found something from when we first started dating haha. I found out that him and some girl he used to talk to were texting on snap and she was flirting with him, of course. I also found that in October 2019 he met some girl at ‘The Strip’, got her snapchat and was texting her about him and his girl were looking for another girl…..first off...ew. Second...what the hell. So he’s always been cheating on me. From the beginning and you know his excuse? He wasn't thinking… LMAO whatever. Anyway, I told him I wanted to work things out but I get to check his phone whenever he isn't allowed to text girls, have them on any social media, etc. He also has to make it up to me and when the time is right, he has to ask me out again. I always told him that if he ever cheated on me we would be done, and as soon as it happens, my dumb*** is taking him back. I hope I don't regret this decision and he actually does the things he said he would to try and fix what he messed up. Lets see how this goes..

 

                                                                        DAY 4

                                                                                                                        March 19, 2020

 

Today Tom and I went to his dorm and got all his things so he could move back in with me. We also went to the store to get groceries for quarantine. All we really got was pasta, chips, fries, and some different drinks. Not much was in the stores, most of all the shelves were empty. But anyway, since yesterday, It's been really hard to hold myself together. I can't really cry or break down because he’ll break down and I have to be there to comfort him. I just hate how I've been lied to this whole time. I would constantly accuse him of things or I would want reassurance it wasn't happening and he lied to me face about it, we’ve sometimes had arguments about me accusing him, but he was guilty the whole time. I should've known. I know things won't be alright right away but I hope we can make things work and eventually move past it.

 

                                                                        DAY 5

                                                                                                                        March 21, 2020

 

Tonight I continued to go through Tom’s phone while he was sleeping. I woke up from having a bad dream and wanted to finish looking through it. I ended up seeing that the night we broke up he was texting this girl from some organization that he’s in that he wanted company...in a sexual way and the day after that he drove some girl to some party. After looking in every single app, I found out that the one girl he met at ‘The Strip’ had cashapped him $15 on Halloween. The day I moved in with his parents.. I ended up waking him up and asking what that was for. After he fully woke up, he started shaking while trying to explain himself...shaking like how a chihuahua shakes… he was so scared and nervous he started shaking..because of me. He was shaking for like 30 minutes before he passed out. I honestly thought he had a heart attack or something, I was tapping his face trying to wake him and everything. When he came to, he wouldn't let me call the police or his mom. We even walked to the urgent care across from my apartment but they weren't open. I'm so scared to touch him.. I've been crying for like 2 hours now because i'm genuinely afraid that I'll hurt him more..

 

                                                                        DAY 6

                                                                                                                        March 23, 2020

 

Quick little update: Not much really happened today, I just laid in bed and had a movie day. Classes started today.. I already know I'm going to be stressed and I probably wont do any work.

 

                                                                        DAY 7

                                                                                                                        March 24, 2020

 

I'm not doing the best mentally today. I'm overthinking everything. I feel like Tom doesn't love me, like he’s pretending to. He isn't all over me like he has been and I just feel neglected. He’s been playing on the game a lot more and yelling of course, which is annoying as hell because I can't concentrate on anything. I don't know, he just doesn't seem interested in me. He hasn't done anything to start to make it up to me, but he can't really do that because he doesn't have access to things, like whenever he messed up he would take me out on a date to the movies or something but with the virus going around we can't go anywhere or do anything. This is so annoying, I hate it.

 

                                                                        DAY 8

                                                                                                                        March 25, 2020

 

I feel way worse than I did yesterday. I still believe Tom doesn't want to be in a relationship. He hasn't done anything to try and fix things, but he can't really do anything because of the virus. I'm sure he would take me out to eat and spoil me with dates but we can't go anywhere. Another thing, this social distancing is ruining my mental. Going to school and going to the store, etc. waa the only thing keeping me sane and functional, but since we have to stay inside 24/7 im hurting. ALSO, Tom told me today that Tallahassee now has a curfew from 11:00pm- 5:00am. I just wanna know, what the hell is that supposed to do?

 

                                                                        DAY 9

                                                                                                                        March 29, 2020

 

Today was a somewhat okay day. I've been kinda irritated all day though. All day Tom’s energy has just been too much for me, like he’s just been kind of annoying to me….it's currently 12:11am and im STILL irritated. He was on the game since 8pm and the first thing I said to him when he got on was “Can you try and be quiet, I have a really bad headache” and he obviously didn't listen. Three and a half hours of him screaming and laughing loud as hell. THEN when he got off, he played videos on YouTube loud as hell on the TV and was blasting something on his phone too, so I got a blanket and went into the living room.. Just for him to follow right behind me. He said he would turn it down but at that point I just didn't...couldn't be around him. My head hurts so f****** bad and i'm so irritated I could cry. But who cares..right?

 

                                                                        DAY 10

                                                                                                                        March 31, 2020

 

I really hate staying inside. I'm so bored, all we've been doing is watching movies and the office on Netflix. I've also been looking for apartments online. I can't really ask anyone questions or go on a tour though because all the offices are closed because of the virus, which is great. My lease is up in July so i'm not sure what im gonna do if i'm not about to view the apartments or whatever. I still don't know if I wanna take a gap year or not after this year. I mean it'll give me some time to get money for school and it'll give me a break from school but i'm not sure how to tell my family. I just hate that I moved out here to be able to go to school physically just for them to put all my classes online. So i'm kinda over it. I'm over everything...online classes, eating the same foods over again, watching movies back to back, everything. I'M BORED!

 

                                                                        DAY 11

                                                                                                                                    April 1, 2020

 

Today was BUSY. I woke up to the wifi not working at all. The wifi router is in my roommate's room who left for Miami for spring break so of course, her door is locked. Tom had to write his paper and turn it in so we NEEDED wifi. We ended up going to his dorm on FSU campus for him to get wifi. Since we were there, after writing his paper, we moved his stuff out. FSU were offering a refund for housing and food but only if they moved out before the deadline, and he’s been staying with me anyway so we just went ahead and moved him out.

 

                                                                        DAY 12

                                                                                                                                    April 2, 2020

 

Today was pretty good. This morning we slept in until like 12ish and when I got up I cleaned the apartment and then me and Tom went to Walmart to get some more groceries. When we got back home, I emailed my English and Math teacher, considering they were the only classes that have work due like back to back unlike my History class. My math teacher....absolutely no help. She was like “oh no...you need wifi.” but my English teacher?! She sent me links to help me. Apparently Xfinity is offering free wifi for everyone, as long as you go to a hotspot and luckily I live right next to one. So tonight I'm just doing my work so I don't fall behind. But anyway, Tom played the game as I worked on my English paper. Then I made spaghetti for dinner and we watched a movie as we ate. After the movie, Tom asked me out… and I said yes. So we’re official again and we’re just gonna try and pretend that period never happened. Overall, today was a good day.

 

                                                                        DAY 13

                                                                                                                        April 9, 2020

 

Today was whatever, I did some of my English work then I played on my phone most of the day as Tom played on his game. At 8pm I made alfredo fettuccine for dinner and asked Tom to put on a movie and get off the game. He seemed upset when he was telling his friend so I said nevermind and he continued to play. 10:40 rolls around and I ask him to put a movie on and he responds with “It's only 10….tomorrow’s friday” lmao OKAY. What does that have to do with anything??.. Then he just got off and came over to me asking if i wanted to take the puppy out and i said “no”. Then he tried to get a kiss and he basically smothered me for it. I just don't see how someone who claims they want to fix their relationship doesn't try to not make the other person upset… I don't get it. But it's cool. I'm just going to stay to myself. OH, it turns out that the Xfinity wifi didn't work..it went in and out, at hours at a time. So I went days without doing work, I could only do the small attendance quizzes for my math class but thank god nothing too big is due until tomorrow. But my actual wifi just started working again a couple of hours ago.

 

                                                                        DAY 14

                                                                                                                        April 14, 2020

 

For some reason, I feel like I haven't written in so long. So I'll just do a little update. Things are still boring. But I'm not as bored as I was when this first started. The stay at home order has been extended until April 30th, but I'm sure they'll extend that even more. It wouldn't really matter cause I know I'm still gonna wanna stay inside just to be safe. School work has been sneaking up on me.. We’re like half way through April already and a lot of stuff is about to be due which is extremely stressful but for some odd reason I still have been finding time in my day to make art. I've made 3, almost 4 paintings in the last 5 days, which for me… is amazing. I'm not necessarily inspired, I just have nothing else to do. It's either school work...cook...watch the office… or draw… and i'm so tired of all the other options. I need something new. Maybe like 2 days ago, the school sent out an email about summer classes, it's called Summer Live or something, which just means it's gonna be online, and I'm not even sure if I wanna take those classes anymore, I know I won't be doing classes in the Fall because of this whole situation. Plus, in all honesty I'm kind of upset with the school. I believe that students deserve some type of refund for the month of April. I've done online classes for the Fall semester while I lived in Kentucky and that dented my pockets. So when I finally moved here and attended classes physically, I found out that I still have to pay out of state tuition and I will have to until I'm a Florida resident, which means I have to have a state ID for a year. But now that this coronavirus thing happened I cant even get an ID. So I've paid this money just for them to move classes online. It's not fair. We deserve something back.. But I guess it's just me who thinks that.

 

                                                                        DAY 15

                                                                                                                                    April 28, 2020

 

So this will be the last journal entry I type up. A lot has happened since my last entry so i'll start from there. My internet wasn't working very well for like a whole week, so I didn't feel there was a need to write if i could get it all into one entry and complete my assignment. These last few days I haven't been feeling well mentally so i've been a mess, crying, eating too much, not eating enough sometimes it's just been crazy. All my classes are done after I submit this, and I am proud to say that I finished it even during this pandemic. Yesterday we went to the store, got the usual food, except I got this frozen vegetable lasagna (cause i'm vegetarian) and it was surprisingly good, even though it might not matter, that had to be the best thing that has happened to me this whole month. For my little sister's 6th birthday on the 25th I sent her a painting I made of Coraline and I sent my other siblings cards because I've been missing them alot since this all started. Now today, this morning I woke up craving an egg and cheese mcgriddle from Mcdonalds so Tom took me around 12:30. We waited in this long line just to be told that they don't serve all day breakfast anymore…. And my heart BROKE. Since i'm a vegetarian that's literally the only thing I eat from there so i ended up crying. I looked it up when we got home and it turns out they closed it because of the Coronavirus….. How does that make sense??? I can't get a pancake whatever time of the day because of the virus? That's just wrong… But anyway, I just woke up from a 2 hour nap after eating Subway, talked to my little sister and niece and now here I am. I'm going to stop here because everything else is just boring and there's no need to share haha.

 

  asked me out… and I said yes. So we’re official again and we’re just gonna try and pretend that period never happened. Overall, today was a good day.

 

                                                                        DAY 13

                                                                                                                        April 9, 2020

 

Today was whatever, I did some of my English work then I played on my phone most of the day as T** played on his game. At 8pm I made alfredo fettuccine for dinner and asked T** to put on a movie and get off the game. He seemed upset when he was telling his friend so I said nevermind and he continued to play. 10:40 rolls around and I ask him to put a movie on and he responds with “It's only 10….tomorrow’s friday” lmao OKAY. What does that have to do with anything??.. Then he just got off and came over to me asking if i wanted to take the puppy out and i said “no”. Then he tried to get a kiss and he basically smothered me for it. I just don't see how someone who claims they want to fix their relationship doesn't try to not make the other person upset… I don't get it. But it's cool. I'm just going to stay to myself. OH, it turns out that the Xfinity wifi didn't work..it went in and out, at hours at a time. So I went days without doing work, I could only do the small attendance quizzes for my math class but thank god nothing too big is due until tomorrow. But my actual wifi just started working again a couple of hours ago.

 

                                                                        DAY 14

                                                                                                                        April 14, 2020

 

For some reason, I feel like I haven't written in so long. So I'll just do a little update. Things are still boring. But I'm not as bored as I was when this first started. The stay at home order has been extended until April 30th, but I'm sure they'll extend that even more. It wouldn't really matter cause I know I'm still gonna wanna stay inside just to be safe. School work has been sneaking up on me.. We’re like half way through April already and a lot of stuff is about to be due which is extremely stressful but for some odd reason I still have been finding time in my day to make art. I've made 3, almost 4 paintings in the last 5 days, which for me… is amazing. I'm not necessarily inspired, I just have nothing else to do. It's either school work...cook...watch the office… or draw… and i'm so tired of all the other options. I need something new. Maybe like 2 days ago, the school sent out an email about summer classes, it's called Summer Live or something, which just means it's gonna be online, and I'm not even sure if I wanna take those classes anymore, I know I won't be doing classes in the Fall because of this whole situation. Plus, in all honesty I'm kind of upset with the school. I believe that students deserve some type of refund for the month of April. I've done online classes for the Fall semester while I lived in Kentucky and that dented my pockets. So when I finally moved here and attended classes physically, I found out that I still have to pay out of state tuition and I will have to until I'm a Florida resident, which means I have to have a state ID for a year. But now that this coronavirus thing happened I cant even get an ID. So I've paid this money just for them to move classes online. It's not fair. We deserve something back.. But I guess it's just me who thinks that.

 

                                                                        DAY 15

                                                                                                                                    April 28, 2020

 

So this will be the last journal entry I type up. A lot has happened since my last entry so i'll start from there. My internet wasn't working very well for like a whole week, so I didn't feel there was a need to write if i could get it all into one entry and complete my assignment. These last few days I haven't been feeling well mentally so I've been a mess, crying, eating too much, not eating enough sometimes it's just been crazy. All my classes are done after I submit this, and I am proud to say that I finished it even during this pandemic. Yesterday we went to the store, got the usual food, except I got this frozen vegetable lasagna (cause i'm vegetarian) and it was surprisingly good, even though it might not matter, that had to be the best thing that has happened to me this whole month. For my little sister's 6th birthday on the 25th I sent her a painting I made of Coraline and I sent my other siblings cards because I've been missing them alot since this all started. Now today, this morning I woke up craving an egg and cheese mcgriddle from Mcdonalds so T** took me around 12:30. We waited in this long line just to be told that they don't serve all day breakfast anymore…. And my heart BROKE. Since i'm a vegetarian that's literally the only thing I eat from there so i ended up crying. I looked it up when we got home and it turns out they closed it because of the Coronavirus….. How does that make sense??? I can't get a pancake whatever time of the day because of the virus? That's just wrong… But anyway, I just woke up from a 2 hour nap after eating Subway, talked to my little sister and niece and now here I am. I'm going to stop here because everything else is just boring and there's no need to share haha.