Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Tale of the Albino Roach

I make it a habit to wake up in the morning almost two hours before dawn specifically so I can have a little time by myself before I have to be nice to anyone.

Sometimes Zack is up all night and is still up when I wake up and the best I can do is roll with things.

On this particular night-morning  he's been up all night waiting for me.

"Mom, I'm starving, but I couldn't go in the kitchen all night."

"Fine.  Eat. OK." (That's me, uncaffeinated, just a fountain of compassion, right?)

"No Mom, I saw a ROACH and I'm never going in the kitchen alone at night again."

"Fine. OK." (Me, staring at coffee maker, praying for it to go faster.)

"Mom!! Seriously!!! I am never going in the kitchen at night alone again because I saw a ROACH."

I try to find the best, most compassionate, most parentliscious answer, but it's early and also I pay plenty of money to the bug man and so I doubt the roach sighting. All I can manage is "A roach? seriously? did you kill it?"

"No, Mom, because it was too gross. It was an albino roach and it's gross and I'm starving."

"An albino roach? Do those exist?"

"Yes, it was gross and bumpy, and I'm never going in the kitchen at night again and can you PLEASE go get Chickfila before you take Zoe to school?"

"No Chickfila. Where did you see this albino roach?"  He points at a corner of kitchen.

I think to google "do albino roaches even exist" but at this point I know it doesn't matter because they are real to my son.

I look at the ground where he points and there it is.

A peanut shell masquerading as an albino roach.

I pick it up and announce, "Oh my, a scary albino peanut shell."

Zack comes closer and agrees with me a peanut shell caused him to spend the night unnecessarily hungry.

He shakes his head and admits the whole situation was "pretty nutty."

I agree, then before he can ask I tell him yes that was funny but it doesn't mean I'm racing out of here to buy you Chickfila.

We laugh and he makes himself something to eat while I drink my first cup of the day.