Monday, May 4, 2015

Downward Dog Morning

It is early in the morning on the first of my two day vacation between Spring and Summer semester.

Actually, my life is a vacation, so let me try this again.

It is early in the morning was on the first of my two day hiatus between semesters when I decided to get up and look at the moon before doing my morning yoga.

I like fresh air. It tastes better, like it has more oxygen (must be all the trees, ask me again after we cover this in 5th grade homeschooling science).

At first my dog Mia didn't want to go outside with me.

She's not a puppy now. She's like 13 months and those extra weeks make all difference. She is SUCH a teenager. She doesn't bounce as much. She doesn't love as wildly. She mutters to herself and yelps at things no one else can see that seem to TAUNT her from under the sofa.  These days I come home and open  Mia's cage expecting a burst of kisses but more often than not my dog stretches a bit, adjusts her head out of a pool of drool and falls back to sleep.

This morning she managed to get up and come out with me.

At first she was suspicious that there might be a wetness on the ground that would bust her zen morning.

Slowly and cautiously she moves ahead of me.

One step, two steps. Clear.

I follow her and look up at the fading stars and laughing moon. I don't care that I am wearing a superman t-shirt that I jacked from Zoe. I don't care that these shorts might be a little too short. It is dark and clear and I feel unseen.

Mia takes another step and then falls into what can only be called downward dog pose.

Just as she hits the best part of her morning stretch, a stream of something watery and brown shoots out her butt and all over my leg in a splattering pattern that could probably be duplicated with a fire hose and a short range target.

I didn't scream but I did wince as gracefully as I could without waking the neighborhood.

As I turned to retreat I almost tripped over Mia who was now very awake and trying to clean me off in the best way that dogs know how to clean people off, which did not involve towels or soap. 

At that point, I screamed.

I screamed like like a girl.

I screamed like like a girl.who was equally grossed out and paralyzed until the grossed out part won over the paralyzed part and then I took a long shower and contemplated the epic awesomeness of my summer vacation.