Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Six Easy Steps To Failure (by C*O)

Dear Student, As we all know it’s the beginning of the semester, we have our new notebooks and fresh pens and pencils. Our textbooks are just bought, we are looking pretty studious.

This letter is for you, written by a former student who successfully failed this AMH1041 course. I am going to give you some helpful pointers to walk in my footsteps.

Number 1: “Waste Your Money.” You can waste your money by doing a lot of different things. Always showing up late for class is an easy way of throwing your money away. It’s not that big of a deal anyways. That money will not get you far at all. Loosing the money that you do make, if any, will certainly put you on the path to failure.

Number 2: “Skip Class, Enjoy the Sunshine.” Laying out by the pool, going to lunch with your friends or just staying in bed are all great excuses on why you aren’t making it to class. Not going to class isn’t a big deal, all she does is talk and talk. Her lectures are not that important, most of the time you can’t even keep up with them. So let’s just say I would go to lunch with my best friend then sit in her class for another lecture.

Number 3: “OMG, No she did not!” [sent] We all know that if you actually make it to class you need to bring a distraction device. I suggest your cell phone, it’s the perfect tool. Also keep your phone on a loud vibrate, so you know when it goes off... and so will the whole class. Texting is important and you will be sure to fail this class if you keep yourself in the gossip world. Another great distraction device is your IPOD. Listening to your favorite music will certainly make the class time fly by.

Number 4: “Reject Her Friend Request.” Dr. Soldani has a face book, yes it’s true. She posts up a lot of information on her face book as well on black board. But if you don’t want exam slides or important date updates, just click “ignore.” It’s just unnecessary information that blows up your newsfeed. We all know how annoying that gets.

Number 5: “Unprepared” Once in awhile you should go to class just to see “what’s up.” But you honestly don’t need paper or a pen. Note-taking is for losers. It takes forever it seems like and it cramps up your hand. It’s really not worth it at all. The professor talks really fast usually so it’s hard to keep up with the notes anyways. It’s basically a big waste of time.

Number 6: “Cheat.” Plain and simple, cheat. Since we aren’t going to class nor taking notes, cheating on the exams, papers, quizzes and finals seem like a good idea to automatically fail the course, and maybe even get a little more attention from the dean.

I hope you took your time reading through my six easy, yet, important steps to failing your AMH1041 course. I give you my word, follow these steps and you will successfully fail this course.

It’s not like this class will help you graduate or anything.... HAPPY FLUNKING!

Sincerely, A Happy Former Failed Student