Monday, April 5, 2010

A Delicate Letter to the Easter Bunny

(From 2010) Dear Sir or Madam,

(really, which is it? because at the Mall you were wearing an awkward calico vest that could've gone either way...)

Thank you for everything you do to spread Easter cheer. I'm sure it can't be easy to balance a big sack on your round back and then fill baskets with your tiny non-thumbed paws. I hope that you have a lovely night tonight, and that you absolutely don't forget to bring me Cadbury Creme Eggs. 

But enough of the formalities.

I'm writing to bring your attention to a delicate situation.

 Last year we had an unfortunate incident where a malted-milk-egg looking sphere turned out to be a less savory gift from you.  

Thank goodness the dirty muddy tracks leading away warned us to not sample the chocolate-looking treat.

I'm writing to ask you to please wipe your paws off and take care of your "bunny potty needs" before breaking into our house tonight.

If I had any clue how you got in (a window? sliding glass door? the fireplace? from the TV screen?) I would leave you a nice towel to clean yourself off, but as you can see,  I'm clueless about your magical bunny ways.

Happy Easter!

PS - Please give both kids the exact same amount of the exact same things in the exact same colors and flavors, or my day tomorrow will be a sugar filled day of holiday fighing hell.

PPSS -- Please , please, if you have room in your big Bunny saddle bag, PLEASE bring enough candy so I can bring leftovers to my students --  I probably won't have their exams graded for Monday and I want to sweeten their bitter disappointment.