Saturday, November 28, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
Revisionist History
Last week my kindergardner Zack and I were watching the invasion of Okinawa on WW2 in HD series on the History Channel. He stands next to me, rigidly entranced, and I say, "that's WW2...." He nods. Then I say, "and those are Marines!" He shook his head and said, "Wait, wait... we learned about these in class last week. MOM!... Do you KNOW who THOSE MEN are???" I raise my eyebrows, and he says, "MOM! Those are the PILGRIMS!"
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
It Was All Great Until...
Nothing starts at the end except really good stories.
So let’s go back to the beginning.
Once upon a time, it was 1994.
I was 25, teaching Latin American History at FSU, had finished all the coursework for my Ph.D., and very very anorexic.
Students who knew me then, later told me that they were distracted by the fact my knees were wider than my thighs.
That’s the thing about anorexia. People are fascinated by it, they admire the courage it takes to starve.
I think they also wonder if maybe it’s something else making that person so thin.
Cocaine, heroine, speed. Maybe for some people it is.
But it wasn’t for me.
I couldn’t afford any of that stuff.
All the anorexics I ever met in eating disorder groups, or at the gym, have been fireballs of energy. Our secret? Caffeine. Diet coke. Tea. Coffee. They all hit you MUCH harder on an empty stomach.
Anyway, so there I was, the first day of classes.
The first day that I would be teaching college, all on my own.
My syllabus, my roster, my assignments, my room.
When I did a walk-through of my classroom I saw that there were no map tacks to hold the map of Latin America up on the chalkboard rail.
The map tack situation was very urgent, in my little world.
I took myself on an excursion to empty classrooms, planning to “reassign” a few map tacks to my classroom and found a whole bunch in a corner room of the first floor in Bellamy Buidling.
I reached. I stretched. Jumped.
Chalkboards don’t look as large when you’re a student. Now that I was right in front of one, it seemed ten feet tall.
Finally, I pulled a desk to the chalkboard and stood on it.
That’s when I noticed my audience.
He was there. With his friend.
Maybe they thought I was laughing at myself, but I wasn’t. I was laughing at them, because I caught them checking me out.
Men!
The redhead looked familiar, and I was feeling bold. Warm, powerful.
What went through me wasn’t an impulse. It was more like a command.
I needed to talk to them. So I pointed at them and beckoned them over.
God help me, it worked. They came over.
We talked. His friend left, he stayed.
We exchanged phone numbers, made a date.
I think he looks at this as the worst mistake of his life.
The beginning of the end of his happiness.
He recently told me that his life was better than fiction before he met me.
Ouch.
So let’s go back to the beginning.
Once upon a time, it was 1994.
I was 25, teaching Latin American History at FSU, had finished all the coursework for my Ph.D., and very very anorexic.
Students who knew me then, later told me that they were distracted by the fact my knees were wider than my thighs.
That’s the thing about anorexia. People are fascinated by it, they admire the courage it takes to starve.
I think they also wonder if maybe it’s something else making that person so thin.
Cocaine, heroine, speed. Maybe for some people it is.
But it wasn’t for me.
I couldn’t afford any of that stuff.
All the anorexics I ever met in eating disorder groups, or at the gym, have been fireballs of energy. Our secret? Caffeine. Diet coke. Tea. Coffee. They all hit you MUCH harder on an empty stomach.
Anyway, so there I was, the first day of classes.
The first day that I would be teaching college, all on my own.
My syllabus, my roster, my assignments, my room.
When I did a walk-through of my classroom I saw that there were no map tacks to hold the map of Latin America up on the chalkboard rail.
The map tack situation was very urgent, in my little world.
I took myself on an excursion to empty classrooms, planning to “reassign” a few map tacks to my classroom and found a whole bunch in a corner room of the first floor in Bellamy Buidling.
I reached. I stretched. Jumped.
Chalkboards don’t look as large when you’re a student. Now that I was right in front of one, it seemed ten feet tall.
Finally, I pulled a desk to the chalkboard and stood on it.
That’s when I noticed my audience.
He was there. With his friend.
Maybe they thought I was laughing at myself, but I wasn’t. I was laughing at them, because I caught them checking me out.
Men!
The redhead looked familiar, and I was feeling bold. Warm, powerful.
What went through me wasn’t an impulse. It was more like a command.
I needed to talk to them. So I pointed at them and beckoned them over.
God help me, it worked. They came over.
We talked. His friend left, he stayed.
We exchanged phone numbers, made a date.
I think he looks at this as the worst mistake of his life.
The beginning of the end of his happiness.
He recently told me that his life was better than fiction before he met me.
Ouch.
November 18, 1994
We met at his place around lunch time, with boxed rings in hand, and then went to Applebee’s.
There wasn’t much talking.
Not much eating either.
There wasn’t much talking.
Not much eating either.
After that, off to the courthouse, attended by two hungover friends, one of which (my maid of honor) looked just like Dog the Bounty Hunter.
Five signatures and one polaroid picture later, we were married.
Five signatures and one polaroid picture later, we were married.
Off we went went to Panama City, which was deserted and cold.
For some reason, even though no one knew where we were, the phone kept ringing.
Monday, November 16, 2009
One Question
I am sitting by the window looking out at the inky mid-November night.
Nothing to read, nothing to grade.
Nothing due, nothing to do.
She settles at a table next to me, sketching and writing and humming
to herself.
Taking my silence for loneliness she smiles overly brightly.
"I'm going to make YOU something now Mami. What is your FAVORITE
thing?"
I exhale and decide tell the truth.
"Love," I say, then unapologetically offer nothing else.
She nods and turns away, soon enough leaving the markers and papers,
playing dinosaurs with her brother while I sit still and silent in my
writing chair, cradling my coffee, peaceful and satisfied.
***********************
Sent from my iPhone
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